OPINION | GARY SMITH: Maybe all the nominees won at the Oscars, just in their own universe

It may all depend on which universe you live in

I watched the Oscars the other night.

OK, that's not exactly true. I was generally and frequently in the same room where the Oscars were being watched. And when I was actually in the room where the Oscars were being watched, I was, often, watching them. But, often not.

Which explains why I'm not sure who won. But since "winning" apparently isn't the point, at least according to many of the people who won (easy for them to say), or since any individual who won claimed to have done so as part of a team that includes every living soul they've ever met, I may not have missed much.

Also, it was a little bit of a challenge to keep up, since the show lasted about three hours, and I've got about 30 minutes of some degree of concentration in me at this point. Three hours may have been a conservative estimate, since we also had to allocate mental bandwidth to pre-event festivities, which apparently consisted of asking people what they were wearing. I assumed this wasn't the age-old "boxers or briefs" question. I mean, if you can ask a presidential candidate (as someone did of Bill Clinton many years ago), you can probably ask an actor.

A note: Since Daylight Saving Time was involved, did the show actually last four hours in real time? I've never been very clear on how that works. Of course, it took me a few months to quit texting my son who was stationed in South Korea, which is roughly 15 hours ahead of us and asking who won the football game before it was played here. Apparently time doesn't work like that. Which is a shame.

Speaking of time, it appears the motion picture that won most of the awards, "Everything Everywhere All At Once," deals with what is called the Multiverse, a bold blend of philosophy and physics that ... wait, I don't really know what it is. It might be the concept that there are alternative realities based on choices we make. I could be wrong. Or maybe I'm right in an alternative universe.

If that concept is true, it might be good news for me when it comes to arguments with the Lovely Mrs. Smith. "I'm not wrong, dear. I'm just right in an alternate universe." I'll let you know how that works out. I am hopeful, but my gut tells me "likely not well."

If the concept is correct, it does unfortunately broaden the number of places I could have left my cell phone, so, not quite all rosy.

Here in this universe, while the Academy Awards lacked the controversy (and actual physical assault) of last year's edition, they weren't without angst. If, given the times we live in, one song being selected as "the best" over some other songs even qualifies as a concern.

However, as host Jimmy Kimmel pointed out, since there were two Irish actors nominated for awards and seated within close proximity to each other, the chance of a fight was still there. Didn't happen, which is both a relief and a surprise.

There was apparently a bit of an ancillary flareup when it was discovered that the live donkey introduced on stage during the ceremony wasn't actually the donkey used in one of the nominated pictures, "Banshees of Inisherin." It was a bit of a shock to consider an organization content to throw millions at both making and honoring films made the decision not to fly a donkey halfway around the world for a five-minute skit. Good to see reason has returned to Hollywood.

Of course, there were plenty of other things for people to be upset about, if they were so inclined. And, again, given the times in which we live, that's likely the case. It seems that Academy Award selections are often of the moment and may not necessarily stand the test of time.

So, if your favorite movie, actor, song, cinematographer (you have a favorite cinematographer? I'm not even sure I know what that is) didn't win, remember when Ke Hu Quan from "Everything Everywhere All at Once" hugged Harrison Ford on the stage, only one of the people in that embrace has an Academy Award. And it's not Harrison Ford. Go figure.

If that's not proof enough the academy makes some strange choices, "Saving Private Ryan" lost the 1999 Academy Award for Best Picture to ... "Shakespeare in Love."

I don't care what universe you're in, that makes no sense.