Knowledge from
life lessons
My being a flawed human and yet having observed that perfection in my life is an unattainable goal for me, I still wish to share knowledge instilled in me by being home-schooled by my parents. Their vast knowledge prepared me for further schooling. Mother taught me the following:
• To appreciate a job well done -- "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
• Religion -- "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." Foresight -- "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
• Osmosis -- "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." Stamina -- "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." Weather -- "That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."
• Behavior modification -- "Stop acting like your father."
• Anticipation -- "Just wait till we get home."
• Hypocrisy -- If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate."
• Receiving -- You are going to get it from your father when you get home.
• Medical science -- "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
• ESP -- "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold."
• Genetics -- "You're just like your father."
• Wisdom -- "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
• Contortion -- "Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck."
• Envy -- "There are millions of less-fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
And my father taught me:
• Circle of life -- "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."
• Irony -- "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
• Humor -- "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
• Time travel -- "If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
• Logic -- "Because I said so, that's why."
Mother taught me more logic: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
And finally, my own thoughts on longevity. I participated in a recent study that found women who carry a little extra weight tend to live substantially longer than the men who mention it.
Y'all have a learning new year.
Aaron Stratman
Bella Vista
Editorial on 01/14/2015