Animals are a vital and necessary component of scientific research. I am thankful that in my lab career I never had to use any animal more evolved than rats. I know dogs, cats and monkeys are used as well. There are very strict rules in place for the use and handling of any animal in pursuit of advancing human health.
I have a soft spot for cute animals. I even think mice are cute. My wife can attest to the fact that I have released mice stuck on glue boards, much to her displeasure. Something about those big, sad eyes just gets to me sometimes.
Rats are another story.
They are not cute.
Their eyes are beady.
They bite.
They stink.
An episode of "rat-a-touille" almost got me in trouble.
I was working in the laboratory of an up-and-coming rising-star researcher at the University of Virginia. I will refer to him as the "PI" for "Primary Investigator." He wanted to determine how certain receptors in rat brains would be affected by the rat breathing an atmosphere with reduced levels of oxygen. This was an attempt to see if oxidative stress played a role in receptor function.
We could put the rats in an air-tight chamber and add higher levels of nitrogen. This would be a reduced oxygen environment which theoretically would reduce oxidative stress. We would then sacrifice the rat, remove its brain and perform the necessary tests for the brain receptor.
But there was a problem. The amount of time between removing the rat from the environmental chamber and terminating it was long enough that the effects of being in the chamber could be reversed. The method of sacrifice was to be by guillotine. Needless to say, rats do not willingly die for God, country or ratkind.
It is not at all like a rat version of Sydney Carton in "A Tale of Two Cities": "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rat nest I go to than I have ever known." No, you have to grab the rat, squirming and fighting, and place its head securely in the guillotine while someone pushes the lever to release the blade; all while hoping your fingers are not in the way. Sometimes the rat is able to pull its head almost into its body -- thus missing the blade or just getting its nose chopped off. Neither situation is satisfactory for all involved.
So I came up with an idea. We would swing the rats. Basically grab its long tail, swing it quickly in an overhand arc, and bang its head on the side of the lab bench. Instant death by cervical dislocation! This was ideal as we could reach in the chamber, grab a rat, swing it, and have it dead in a matter of 3 seconds. The PI liked my idea!
We had to perform the work in the basement where the animals were held. We had about 50 rats to process. All was going well. It was like an assembly line. Since it was my idea, I was the one swinging the rats and someone else would remove the head and brain. I had done about a dozen with no problem. I grabbed the next rat, had it in mid-arc in the air when a female employee happened to walk by and glance at us through the door window. She did a double-take and I saw the shock on her face. She crashed through the doors, screaming and demanding that we stop. She said she was reporting us to the department head of Animal Services. After getting our names, she stomped out. We resumed swinging the rodents as we rationalized we wouldn't be in any more trouble than we already were.
We were summoned to the department head's office. He knew the PI was considered "special" and had favored status mostly because he brought in big bucks in research grants. On the record he said he couldn't sanction such actions. Off the record, he said the woman that reported us was a "pain in the a--" and that we should just make sure we covered the windows in the future. That's my kind of department head!
Now I might get some negative reactions from this story. But let me just say that I have seen rats die much more horrible deaths at the hands of frightened laypeople. Stomped, poisoned, clubbed to death, speared with pot stickers -- all are much more horrible deaths for the rat than having their necks snapped by colliding with a lab bench. So don't judge us scientists lest you be judged as well.
And don't swing rats in glass houses, or labs with windows.
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Devin Houston lives in Siloam Springs and is president/CEO of Houston Enzymes. Send comments or questions to [email protected]. The opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 08/09/2017