Letter to the Editor

Knowledge from

life lessons

My being a flawed human and yet having observed that perfection in my life is an unattainable goal for me, I still wish to share knowledge instilled in me by being home-schooled by my parents. Their vast knowledge prepared me for further schooling. Mother taught me the following:

• To appreciate a job well done -- "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

• Religion -- "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." Foresight -- "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

• Osmosis -- "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." Stamina -- "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." Weather -- "That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

• Behavior modification -- "Stop acting like your father."

• Anticipation -- "Just wait till we get home."

• Hypocrisy -- If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate."

• Receiving -- You are going to get it from your father when you get home.

• Medical science -- "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

• ESP -- "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold."

• Genetics -- "You're just like your father."

• Wisdom -- "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

• Contortion -- "Just look at that dirt on the back of your neck."

• Envy -- "There are millions of less-fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

And my father taught me:

• Circle of life -- "I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

• Irony -- "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

• Humor -- "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

• Time travel -- "If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

• Logic -- "Because I said so, that's why."

Mother taught me more logic: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

And finally, my own thoughts on longevity. I participated in a recent study that found women who carry a little extra weight tend to live substantially longer than the men who mention it.

Y'all have a learning new year.

Aaron Stratman

Bella Vista

Editorial on 01/14/2015