Yes, I'm a little afraid about the breaking news that Apple is working on an iCar which will drive itself, following voice commands spoken by a passenger to Siri.
Based on news reports, the car, now in its development stages, might be a reality by the time the state drivers' licensing bureau or my kids determine I am too old to safely operate a motor vehicle on public streets and highways. I suppose that could mean an iCar or something like it from another manufacturer -- perhaps the Android Mobile. Either way, the development could spell trouble for me.
Just the thought of turning over the controls of a car or truck to a computer system is terrifying. That car might compute the road surface temperature and friction, road elevation and tire conditions to drive around curves at the fastest possible speed without exiting the roadway and rolling into the ditch. Using that same co-efficient of friction, it might wait to apply the brakes until the last possible millisecond -- did I mention that I can get car sick when not driving?
A self-driving car might be a good thing for some, but for me it's frightening. If I can't handle voiceover type apps on a smart phone or computer and want to just smash the phone or pull the plug on a computer to make it be quiet, what I am going to do when a car becomes possessed by such a system, talks to me in an irritating voice and won't give me access to time-trusted controls like a steering wheel, gas pedal and brake?
And, yes, I've had the task of programming the Bluetooth connections between my wife's phone and car. I read the directions and followed the prompts but often had some sort of telecommunications breakdown and was forced to start all over again ... and again ... and again. What do you do when that voice in the car tells you to say Option A or Option B and what you want is an Option C, D or F?
I can just hear it now. If I told the new automated car there was a speed bump ahead, this computer-generated lady's voice would ask, "Did you say, 'Speed up ahead?'"
If I told her there was a bull over there on the side of the road, she might say, "Did you say, 'Pull over there on the side of the road?'" If I ask her to take me to the grocery store, she might ask me if I want her to wake me at the ocean shore.
If I say, "Dentist, please," she might ask, "Did you say, 'Dent it, please?'"
You can see my frustration. And, when I get frustrated, I can't remember the right commands to cancel the command the computer thinks I gave to the car. After trying every combination I can think of, I might start yelling, "No! Stop!" To which I could just hear her saying, "Did you say, 'Go! Cop!'"
As the failed communication continues, I might hear her sternly telling me not to use derogatory language because she is not programmed to respond to such commands. If I decided it was time to jump, I'm sure the seat belt would tighten and I'd hear the doors lock, just like on those horror movies where an evil villain takes over a car's computer system to kill the driver.
If I told her she was giving me a heart attack, she'd ask, "Did you say, drive down the track?'"
And about the time I screamed, "Oh, no, I'm going to die!" She'd respond, "Did you say, "Go, go, I want to fly?'"
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Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected] [email protected] . Opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 02/25/2015